Highlights

 Due to the fact that so much has happened since I last wrote I will quickly update with a few pictures.

 I not only learned how to crochet hats but I decided to crochet a blanket for my baby!  I will be honest, it was SO tedious!  I realized I am not one of those people that enjoy crocheting.  You know those people. The ones who can't wait to get home from work or put there kids to bed so they can relax and zone out by crocheting?  Yea...I only finished this blanket out of pure stubbornness and a desire to make something for my son. :)  I do LOVE IT though!

I did so well with the blanket I decided to make matching stuffed animals!

                                                                             

 

My Warrior Ninja actually became a hat making machine! He was making fun of me trying to learn how to make a hat and I challenged him to try himself.  Pictured is first hat.  His first of about 45 before the winter ended. :)  And of course one for our beautiful son to match!

 Above I am 8 months pregnant viewing the little garden my Warrior Ninja started putting together.  Below is the herb garden I have my love for his christmas present.  It has been so awesome having lots of fresh herbs for cooking!

 Below I am building a rabbit cage to keep my busy days before I gave birth to my son, the little ninja.

 

And of course we welcomed our beautiful son into the world!!!!

 Above: Six hours old! :)

 

Update!

     I have begun to accomplish some of the personal goals I had set for myself a month or so ago.  I am well on my way in crocheting a baby blanket and my Warrior Ninja has also unexpectedly jumped in!  He has been enthusiastically crocheting with me and is turning out really nice hats!  Already the "orders" are pouring in as cousins and friends see the one he wears around now.

    Since I have been feeling better I have been cooking a bit more.  I made a good split pea soup the other day and was surprised to find what a healthy and delicious option this is!  I added broccoli, potatoes and carrots as well as chicken broth and found that the potatoes made it taste a little creamy even though I didn't add milk or butter.  I also made another good soup from the "Bear Mountain" dry soup packets, adding vegetables, cream cheese, and some bacon.  This is probably not as healthy due to the sodium content and being a prepackaged food but it was a relatively cheap dinner as it will last as a few meals and so yummy!

    In the interest of saving money and paying off debt the Warrior Ninja and I are going to be moving in with our friends, and their three children (with one on the way in January).  It is a mutually beneficial arrangement I thin,k albeit somewhat counter cultural in an American society.  I am looking forward to having a full size kitchen to use though as our apartment kitchen is teeny tiny and doesn't even have a full size stove let alone counter space.  We get along with them very well.  It will be an interesting adjustment but I am looking forward to it. 

   Another effort I want to begin making in the interest of saving money is to focus on cutting food costs as I believe this to be one of our biggest outflows of money after bills.  The Warrior Ninja brought me home a magazine from "Mother Earth News' that is a "Guide to Self-Reliance and Country Skills" in which there are lots of money saving tips.  Specifically in this regard I have begun to wonder if there are ways I could get "free" veggies and fruits from local farmers if I volunteered with them in harvesting or gleaning.  The magazine suggests this works but being in Los Angeles I am unsure of how "local" farmers are.  I also find it a bit overwhelming adding this on after work, being pregnant, etc. but at the same time it might actually be something I enjoy and trying it out once couldn't kill me, right?  They also whole heartedly suggest that you buy everything in season when it is cheaper and then can so you have it later.  Again canning has come up...how hard is this?  Sounds like a dedicated way to save money....do I even like canned food?  Some people suggest drying your fruit...don't you need a dehydrator for this?  Is it worth investing in?

    In pregnancy news!!  I am feeling a lot better, still not up to my full work hours yet.  I am averaging about 24 hours a weeks currently and still feel tired when I get home.  Still feel nauseous and gaggy if I don't take the anti-nausea medication unfortunately, but at least with its use I feel well enough to go to work.  Had an ultrasound today and it looks as if we will be having a BOY!  The Warrior Ninja already looks very proud and happy. :) 

NEVER EVER Eat a Whole Can of Peaches at Once!

     And most definitely not when you are still struggling with morning sickness!!  Lesson learned.  Currently sitting here with a gurgling stomach, access of saliva forming in my mouth, and trying to decide if I should just get it over with or fight to keep it down.  Right now I am fighting...we'll see.  So far I have lost 16 pounds this pregnancy and I just feel like the responsible thing to do for Rosie Posie (what the Country Contessa's four year old has named my baby) is to try and keep my nutrients where they belong!

     Before I made the mistake of not eating until around noon and then eating a bunch of peaches I was feeling pretty good all in all.  I showered without having trouble with the smell of the shampoo and conditioner, got DRESSED for the first time in ages even though I am staying home, AND put my hair into a french braid.  I took many little pauses and breaks as the standing up for to long still is giving me nausea, but overall I feel very accomplished!!

     Feeling a little better but not yet well enough to start cleaning or anything has given me the opportunity to meal plan for the arrival of Rosie Posie. (As a side note my Warrior Ninja is personally convinced we are having a boy so he probably will not be to thrilled when I tell him I am referring to his "son" as Rosie Posie.  I have a feeling its a girl but I am told by him that I am wrong.)  I have found a great site called Six Sister's Stuff which is a treasure trove of all sorts of easy looking recipes.  I particularly like their frozen meals and crock-pot recipes.  My Warrior Ninja bought me a crock-pot last christmas but I have barely used it unfortunately, due in part to my tiny apartment kitchen.  If I put the crock-pot on the counter I have very little space to clean, prepare, or dice anything.  As we will be moving soon I am excited about trying out some of these recipes once I feel a bit better!  I think it will be soon!  I am currently putting together a shopping list and stack of recipes to put in a binder.  The idea is I will try the recipes now and then in the month before Rosie Posie's entrance do them again so we have ready made food to eat at our finger tips!  I'll keep you updated as to how it goes!

I Brushed My Teeth Today!!!

Without GAGGING!!  Angel's sing in background! Flowers spontaneously grow and bloom! Birds take to flight singing songs of joy around my bathroom window!  Could  it be?  A light at the end of the tunnel??   I actually felt pretty good today!  Sure, I felt the edges of nausea from time to time, but over all I felt good for most of the day.  I am getting more nauseous as I usually do towards the end of the day but STILL!   PROGRESS!!!!!  I actually brushed me teeth TWICE in a row but because it felt so good to be able to do it!  

We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Well, I finally broke.  Honestly I don't quite know how I have done this for as long as I did.  I asked for a leave of absence from work today.  I have mixed emotions about it but ultimately believe this is the best thing for my body, my baby, and my sanity.  Most of all I will be relieved to be away from countless well intentioned people constantly asking me the same questions and giving me their two cents about how I should best cope.  I don't mind if family does this...but constantly having co-workers do it is exhausting.

  Its strange how exhausting this process is.  I wonder what it feels like for baby dear to be growing inside of me.  Baby dear doesn't have formulated thoughts but emotions? How does it feel to be in there.  There is the passage of time.  Baby dear has a soul.  That soul has personality without experience.  If anything it is raw personhood, the very essence of personality, the building blocks are just waiting for experience to form it.  This is very interesting to me.  Baby dear has a guardian angel...where is that guardian angel?  Is it standing next to me too now?  Or is is it small and tiny wrapping its wings around baby dear, keeping baby dear company spiritually?  I tend to believe this later one.  Baby dear's guardian angel is its first companion...they probably communicate in a spiritual way that baby dear won't remember later, but the impression will last.  How sad for babies that are born into harsh environments to go from the gentle comradery with their angel to a rough and tumble world.  When this is the case how does that effect the future spiritual development of a child?  It seems if the premise I have laid out is true that it would make the poor baby mistrust  its spiritual awakening and companion in the womb and perhaps more difficult to have a deep and trusting relationship with God later in life.  But if a baby goes from that sweet friendship to loving arms and voices he or she may miss their first friendship with their guardian angel but feel comforted by the love of their parents and so retain a sweetness to the spiritual experience within the womb.  This is all musing of course, I have never heard of anyone speak on this matter but I think there may be some mystical merit to what I saw.  It certainly can't hurt to think it I suppose.

   Baby dear, who are you?  What does God aspire for you to be?  What is his perfect will for your life?  Will you be artistic and agile like our warrior ninja?  Will you be passionate and feisty like your mama?  Who will you be Baby dear?  We love you.  We pray you are healthy and growing well.  Guardian angel of my baby, keep your wings wrapped tight around Baby dear, guard Baby dear from all fear or uncertainty and sing songs of triumph and praise until Baby dear can hear me that Baby dear's heart will be made for rejoicing and laughter.  We praise You God for the gift of this life.  We praise You for we are fearfully and wonderfully made!

You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb.

I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew;

my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be.

How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!  - Psalm 139

My Life as a Platypus

  I feel awful.  I gag as I write this, between sentences, words, letters.  I type as I can.  I thank God that I am not vomiting. I wonder 'if I did would that make me feel better?'.  I am starting my ninth week of pregnancy...or eleventh depending on how you look at it some people tell me.  All I know is that nine weeks ago a new life was brought into being.  About five weeks ago I found out.  I want to say that I am thrilled beyond words for this new life, for my first child.  And I think I was...now, to be honest, it is hard to understand how women do this multiple times.  I do not have the experience of having a child before to bolster me through.  I am sure it is absolutely worth it!  I AM so excited to have a toddler someday...please give me the toddler.  Or an infant...give me an infant, I will rejoice!  But this process of "growing your own" leaves me feeling exhausted, sad, constantly nauseous.  My warrior ninja husband is so excited but he has a sad look in his face when he looks at me.  I can't stand the way he smells...shoot, I can't stand the way anyone smells.  Everything makes me gag.  I feel like a platypus.

  I am a Platypus.  I am part duck, part beaver, a mammal that lays eggs.  No one else in my family is a platypus.  I have no platypus history to look at and ask "How did you juggle all the demands of being a platypus?"  "When you were a platypus and pregnant what did you do?"  No.  My family, my history, my frame of reference did not prepare me for my undertaking of being a platypus wife.  Let me explain lest I leave you in confusion.  Let me start with my background, culture, and faith.

  I am a Roman Catholic, true to all the teachings of Rome.  I grew up in a blessed Catholic home with six sisters, two brothers, a stay at home mom and employed dad.  My mother bravely took on the task of educating us.  I first stepped foot in a "real" classroom when I started taking community college classes at 16 to supplement my home-school high school classes.  I guess you could say I hit the ground running and didn't stop until I got my Masters in Occupational Therapy in May of 2011.  My adventures occurred throughout the years but ultimately my formal education was completed there.  Growing up I was surrounded by big happy Christian and Christian Catholic families that home-schooled their children, for the most part, but all of which had mothers that were stay at home moms (SAHM).  Sure, all these families made financial decisions to sacrifice in some way so this was possible...but it WAS possible.  And now here I am.  Catholic, married, expecting our first child, and working because it is necessary.

  I am in no way against working but as this pregnancy has progressed I have come to a deeper realization of why for most of history women did not work.  I am amazed by the devotion and love of mothers who go through this pregnancy sickness time and time again.  I wish I could be them.  I wish I could curl up on my sofa and try to ease my stomach slowly with crackers, water, small sips of soda.  I wish I could be miserable at home.  Instead I get up each morning and throw up (like so many of SAHMs...but then I dress, try to make it look like I brushed my hair, forgo the makeup (as I am sure they are also doing) and drive to work at a skilled nursing facility (some people still call it convalescent hospital) to rehabilitate the elderly and breath in all the smells that comes with it.  At least I get to wear scrubs.  I just don't understand.  I don't understand how other moms do this.  It is SO HARD.  I tear up just thinking about going back to work after the weekend.  I am uncomfortable and nauseous at home but at least I am not gagging in front of the whole world.  At least I am not having to excuse myself from a patient as my super sensitive nose picks up every smell associated with the act of living to discreetly gag.  I have taken to hiding in unused rooms to lay on the bed around lunch and I can actually fall asleep I am that exhausted!

  I know this sounds like an awful diatribe...but really I am confused.  How do working women DEAL with this?  I've never had an example of this...I feel alone, sad, angry.  How many times in a day are people going to ask me how I feel??  The SAME PEOPLE!  I want to scream at them...I FEEL AWFUL!  I FELT AWFUL WHEN YOU ASKED ME AN HOUR AGO!  YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY TELL I FEEL AWFUL SO WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME!?!?!?!?!!?  Instead I tell them what I did an hour ago with a weak smile "Okay!" "Fine.".  Or all the trite sayings..."It will all be worth it."  yes...thank you...

  I am a Catholic.  I HOPE and BELIEVE (if those can go together) that when I am puking my guts out on an already empty stomach, my stomach feels likes it being punched, and only stomach acid is coating my throat, that in those moments when I say "This is for my husband, for the holiness of my unborn child" it is gaining extraordinary merit.  Because on the one hand I believe it should and on the other hand I am so unhappy with the situation I can't see how God can accept my pathetic cry for graces for my family.  I realize am not the best at smiling joyfully through suffering, but I am trying really hard to still be loving to my husband, to NOT say all the sharp things I want to say to well meaning condolers,  I am TRYING to still find ways of making my warrior ninja smile like I used to do so often before I felt sick all the time.  It is very discouraging.  Very draining.  Very sad.

  Hello little life inside me.  I don't want you to feel like I am angry at you.  I don't want you to feel that I am sad that I am expecting you.  I LOVE YOU.  I WILL LOVE YOU.  Mama's just going through a hard time right now.  I want you to be a child of joy and laughter.  I pray specifically for these things and that God will pour his Holy Spirit down upon you even now and FILL YOU with the gifts of the Holy Spirit!  I pray that He will give you Wisdom and a Compassionate Heart!  I pray good things for you my baby.  I put my hand on my abdomen and imagine you in there.  Try and make it feel REAL.  I smile at you.  Your daddy puts his hand there and smiles at you.  Its hard to imagine you but deep down I do KNOW that this is all worth it!  I can't wait to see what you look like, who you are.  I am sorry this is so hard.  You are growing so fast it must be exhausting to you too.  The tears I cry are not because of you but rather for you.  I offer them as a sacrifice of praise.  I PRAISE you JESUS for this life within me,  I offer my pregnancy sickness as a SACRIFICE, a self-giving for this life you have created within me.  This LIFE which is a testimony to you!  This LIFE which IS A SONG OF PRAISE by its very existence.  This is hard my love, my Jesus, it feel unending and lonely.  I praise you in the storm!  I bless your holy name!  Help me.  Help me continue to sacrifice with a steadfast and willing heart.  Blessed be your name when I am found in the desert place, when I'm suffering - blessed be Your Name!

I am a platypus.  I am not just one thing.  I am more than what other mom's I admire are.  Not more as in better, I just have an extra role that does not seem to combine with motherhood.  I want to be a good mother.  I want to be available for my baby.  I have no idea what the future holds and this is a time of uncertainty.  Jesus, YOU led me on the path I have taken.  YOU told me you had ALL THE MONEY in the world!  Provide for our family.  Let your perfect will be done and my will conformed to it.