We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Well, I finally broke.  Honestly I don't quite know how I have done this for as long as I did.  I asked for a leave of absence from work today.  I have mixed emotions about it but ultimately believe this is the best thing for my body, my baby, and my sanity.  Most of all I will be relieved to be away from countless well intentioned people constantly asking me the same questions and giving me their two cents about how I should best cope.  I don't mind if family does this...but constantly having co-workers do it is exhausting.

  Its strange how exhausting this process is.  I wonder what it feels like for baby dear to be growing inside of me.  Baby dear doesn't have formulated thoughts but emotions? How does it feel to be in there.  There is the passage of time.  Baby dear has a soul.  That soul has personality without experience.  If anything it is raw personhood, the very essence of personality, the building blocks are just waiting for experience to form it.  This is very interesting to me.  Baby dear has a guardian angel...where is that guardian angel?  Is it standing next to me too now?  Or is is it small and tiny wrapping its wings around baby dear, keeping baby dear company spiritually?  I tend to believe this later one.  Baby dear's guardian angel is its first companion...they probably communicate in a spiritual way that baby dear won't remember later, but the impression will last.  How sad for babies that are born into harsh environments to go from the gentle comradery with their angel to a rough and tumble world.  When this is the case how does that effect the future spiritual development of a child?  It seems if the premise I have laid out is true that it would make the poor baby mistrust  its spiritual awakening and companion in the womb and perhaps more difficult to have a deep and trusting relationship with God later in life.  But if a baby goes from that sweet friendship to loving arms and voices he or she may miss their first friendship with their guardian angel but feel comforted by the love of their parents and so retain a sweetness to the spiritual experience within the womb.  This is all musing of course, I have never heard of anyone speak on this matter but I think there may be some mystical merit to what I saw.  It certainly can't hurt to think it I suppose.

   Baby dear, who are you?  What does God aspire for you to be?  What is his perfect will for your life?  Will you be artistic and agile like our warrior ninja?  Will you be passionate and feisty like your mama?  Who will you be Baby dear?  We love you.  We pray you are healthy and growing well.  Guardian angel of my baby, keep your wings wrapped tight around Baby dear, guard Baby dear from all fear or uncertainty and sing songs of triumph and praise until Baby dear can hear me that Baby dear's heart will be made for rejoicing and laughter.  We praise You God for the gift of this life.  We praise You for we are fearfully and wonderfully made!

You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb.

I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew;

my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be.

How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!  - Psalm 139